Residue of Redemption

I'm aware that when people look at me they see someone whose life seems well pulled together. What they see is true.

Here are some facts:
I'm 40 years old.
I smile a lot.
I'm happily married and I love my children.
I'm gainfully employed and I love my work.
I have a Bachelor's and a Master's Degree.
I'm unapologetically Christian, and not in a Bible-thumping way.
I appreciate friendship.
I value family, justice and trust.

Here are some other facts:
I started having sex when I was 13.
I was pregnant the first time at 17 and chose not to have the baby.
I was plagued with self-esteem issues for most of my teenage years, but am a great actress and hid it well.
I fell in love a lot because I was searching for it in the wrong places.
I married my first husband out of the guilt of being pregnant; not because he was the man for me.
I was depressed a lot in my 20's.
I cheated on my first husband - without remorse.
I was angry with God for a long time.

When people see me, they see the stuff in the first list perhaps without seeing the stuff in the second list. Let me interject the first word of caution here:

1. There are things in everyone's story that contribute to the person you know them to be today.

I offer this word of caution in both directions. People may look at my life today and say they want what I have, but I wonder how much of my story they would have wanted to endure to be who I am. At the same time, people may look at someone who is struggling right now and judge that person without knowing what contributed to that place.

No matter who you encounter on a daily basis, it's safe to say:

2. You don't know the whole story.

Even people you've known your whole life have things about them that only they know. We have a tendency to think we "know" someone because we spend time around them or because they have been in our lives a long time. I invite you to erase that notion from your practice of living and rather than assume you know - assume you don't.

3. Seek to understand.

This statement was made popular by Stephen Covey in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It's also a line from one of my favorite prayers by St. Francis - O Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love.

Every decision someone makes, every thought they have, every word they speak was preceded by a series of events that dictated that result especially for them. Let us be more interested in the "why" than the "what."

I am a sinner - saved by Grace. I know full well that, as Paul tells us by way of Rome, "God shows His love for us, because while we were still sinners Christ died for us." This blog is titled "Residue of Redemption" because although I know the blood of Jesus washed my sins away - occasionally, I still see the blemishes. I see them in decisions I make. I see the blemishes on my children. I see them in the language I use.

When I allow Him, God reminds me that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." Sometimes it is harder to hear that voice or see myself though God's eyes because my own voice is turned up so loud. And although I have a great life now, I am quite possibly standing in the way of having an even better life by not embracing my freedom completely; by holding on to bits and pieces of the woman I used to be. . .

Tracie Jae (insert your name here), in the name of Jesus Christ - you are forgiven. Go and sin no more.